The “Before”

Right…

I’m literally terrified to do this.

Mega terrified. 

But I think it’s important for me to get this out there so I can accept what was and use it as motivation to work hard and appreciate what can (and will) be.

I’m talking about the “before” picture. I’ve selected some photos that I can’t stand to look at without cringing and wanting to cry. It’s so upsetting because the majority of these photos are from my time in America, which was the best year of my life! But sadly my health, weight and confidence took a huge knock when I was introduced to ten months of American cuisine. 

I’ve been wary of posting pictures of me, or even my name just because if anybody I know sees this and laughs or takes the piss I would die. I’ve been bullied of course, who hasn’t! But I don’t care if they see this, fuck you im working hard on myself and I’m breaking down those walls of shit confidence that you helped build.

I don’t want my friends to see this. I don’t want people knowing how I feel about my body, I put on such a big personality and people think I’m so happy and confident, I don’t want to show weakness. 

But how can you show strength without first having a weakness?? So here it is folks…my motivation…my athletes foot. The last time I will ever see a picture of me at that weight and size.

Be kind ❀️

Sauces & Dips

So I loooove my mayo. But obvs following this plan they are syns (I’m such a synner!) so I looked on Pinterest which is the holy grail for most ideas and found recipes for syn free sauces and dips!

I am literally in heaven (despite being a synner) they took 5 mins each to make, they’re looking cute in jars in my fridge and I am making up some carrot sticks and cucumber sticks to dip in them for lunch! 

If anybody wants inspiration (if anybody actually reads these posts!) then here’s the link along with a pic of my produce 😁 enjoy y’all!

http://slimmingwithstyle.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/homemade-dips-garlic-herb-houmous-and.html?m=1

Highs & Lows

Great start to the morning! Up early, plan for the day sorted and I’m out with the pup for a 40 minute walk, instead of standing there throwing her ball I circulate the field so I’m getting exercise as well as the pup.

Feeling great, getting exercise and working on my health, I can feel the 12lb making a difference in my energy, my knees haven’t ached since Texas and my clothes hang slack on my body. Win win win!

Then I come home to some post. The leggings I ordered for comfy round the house use, a funny loud print, size 20 so they’re a bit slack on my size 18 (I’m aiming for size 14!!) 

They’re fucking tiny. I haven’t tried them on because the waist band looked like it would go round one of my thighs and I couldn’t see it on my body. This fucking sucks, I’ve felt confident and amazing then these arrive and CRASH. Why can’t sizes be sizes, 20 is universal and no matter what the shop your ass can fit into one. It’s so discouraging when this happens I’ve always hated buying clothes for this reason, the constant anxiety over if something will fit me, cling to my lumps and the embarrassment hanging the clothes back up after a sesh in the fitting room.

My friend showed me her beauty and the beast pyjamas and I said I wanted some, she said “they’re selling them quite cheap in primark” and my heart sank. Their size 18/20 is like a 12/14 in my experience, I only buy shoes and home wear from primark and that sucks because they’re so cheap! I’ve been very lucky a couple of times there and it’s made my day but the thought of wanting everything that doesn’t fit is not appealing.

But hey! That’s why I’m on this journey right?? To fit into those clothes. To love clothes shopping. To love my body. To love myself! I am aware I have strengths in personality, academia and kindness but I would love to have confidence in my appearance and enjoy what I’m wearing instead of hiding as much as I can.

Highs and lows will happen. But life is a rollercoaster baby just got to ride it πŸ˜‰

Weigh in week 6!

Well from my last post I didn’t expect miracles. I was naughty on Friday then drank more than my share of wine on Sunday!! So bloody hell I was not expecting a lose this week!!

Half a pound.

It’s barely anything (well actually it’s the weight of four sausages according to my ma) πŸ˜‚ but after expecting the scales to read more than last week I’m chuffed to pieces that being good since the weekend paid off and wiped out the naughtiness.

My motto has been “As long as the numbers are going down” since the start of my SW journey and they have been going down since day one which is great.

My grand total weight loss after 6 weeks is 12lb. An average of 2lb a week is stated as healthy weight loss and you are more likely to keep the weight off if you go at this rate so I’m very happy 😊 

12lb! That’s quite a lot really and I’m feeling and seeing the effect already so I’m shooting for that one stone award. 2lb to go until it’s mine!

I’m having drinks with friends this weekend and a hot tub party so I’m going to sub wine for Malibu and Diet Coke which cuts the calories in half and I can still have a good time 😁 hopefully I can still reach a weight loss next week!

Wish me luck y’all ❀️

The difference between lifestyle and diet

I had a takeaway tonight

And I’m gonna have wine

And maybe chocolate

Basically I’m on a cheat binge and I’ve forced myself to be okay with it. SW is a lifestyle change and part of life is eating unhealthily sometimes. For the first time in 5 weeks I have allowed myself to gorge and hey if I can leave 5 week intervals then I’ve made a very positive change because in Texas I was eating out twice a week! 

I understand that this blip might sacrifice my one stone award next Thursday but as long as I work hard tomorrow onwards I shouldn’t gain and I will appreciate the fact that I’ve listened to myself and understood when it’s necessary to treat yourself and satisfy cravings.

I’m feeling full and satisfied and happy that I’m not allowing myself to be miserable on a diet. I’m allowing myself to have treats occasionally but otherwise lead a healthy lifestyle…

Now where’s that wine…🍷

You have to sometimes

I’m 11.5lb down and feeling great! Want to achieve my one stone award next week 🀞🏼🀞🏼🀞🏼🀞🏼

But today I’ve craved. And I don’t crave often because I feel full and I’m enjoying the food that goes in my mouth, but I really crave chocolate tonight so guess what, I’m going to have some. This is where old me would’ve gorged and hated myself afterwards but tonight the new me is saying “go on have the chocolate, satisfy that craving then stop. Get back onto plan tomorrow and up your game this week. More exercise, Zumba class, further dog walks. You have to sometimes, so just indulge yourself and be kind to yourself” 

New me is pretty wise sometimes πŸ˜‰β€οΈ